When the going gets tough

I’ve been wanting to write this post and I want to express it out through my blog today..
As all of you who followed my blog and read my post had probably known, I’m a tourist here in Canada and I think that I might be pregnant. So far I only got my urine tested to check on my HCG and thats all I did. I have to wait for another 2 weeks of uncertainty (again) for us to see the Gyn specialist.

I hate to say this, but although I’m look ok or fine on my post, the fact is I’m not. Living here in Canada as a tourist and possibly of being pregnant while waiting for your Permanent Resident is not a fun waiting game. Because I’m not a resident, I had to pay sum lot of money for the clinic and all the bloodwork test so far and I do not know how much more we need to fork out for the test and for the rest just to find out whether we are expecting. I was pretty frustrated when I had to spend $265 so far just for the tests and couldn’t even know if the baby is really exist! I mean we are here in Canada as a spouse and it’s our husband’s future baby too. I don’t think it’s fair for him to pay for the fee when actually as a PR himself here, he doesn’t even need to spend a penny on any medical expenses. I don’t even know when I could get my Alberta healthcare, and it’s killing me to know that I have to spend another few hundred dollars for the Gyn appointment and extra $250 just for the ultrasound next month! I’m not feeling well these days. My stomach feels bloated, I get tired easily and mostly I dozed off the whole afternoon, no appetite and I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s has been going on this way for two weeks, this also explains why I don’t write my blog daily anymore.

I miss my family and friends back in Singapore and Indonesia. The fact that my parents have to spend $3000 at least, to come here and be with me is not making me happy either. The fact that my parents in law are here and only 15 mins away from my home, makes me miss my own parents even more. No matter what, in these times when I don’t feel good about myself and my well-being, its always best to be surrounded by my loved ones and I couldn’t have it here. My in laws would never be able to replace my parents, I’m not comfortable being here and especially that my husband has to work on sites and comes home every 2 weeks makes it worse for me.

I hope I could get it together and walk it through. There’s a glimpse of hope that my husband will be transferred back to Calgary so he could be here with me finally 24/7, but we still couldn’t get the definite date and answer for that, hopefully in August..

Thank you for letting me vent and for reading this post. Please pray for me and my family and hope that the baby is ok!



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